I Paid A Psychic $25 To Draw My Future Husband

The psychic was having a sale. That is my only explanation for what happened.

I don't believe in psychics, and if it weren’t for the random Facebook ad that popped up right after a particularly bad date, then I wouldn’t have bought it. It was like someone knew what I was desperate to know that I wouldn’t die alone.

Maybe it was the psychic?

The ad promised that the psychic would draw me a picture of my future husband, give me a description of his personality, and a timeline for when I can expect to meet him in less than 24 hours! This amazing deal is normally $50, but I was able to snatch up this bundle for a measly $25!

What was the worse that could happen?

Now I’m not a sucker, and I was going to do my research on this psychic before I bought my prediction. This psychic had over 4,000 reviews! All 5 stars! What are the odds of that?

She must be good — or at least she’s good at faking reviews.

I’m reading through the reviews (I feel like it’s vital that I share you with you that I’m looking through these reviews while in a graduate-level class — whoever said that only smart people attend graduate school lied), and I come across a review with this drawing. Does he look familiar?

I’m pretty sure that’s Edward from Twilight…

Yep, that’s definitely Edward from Twilight.

At this point, any faith I had in this psychic is gone, but after seeing her predict some girl’s marriage to Edward, the 12-year-old die-hard Twilight fan in me had to know which Twilight character I was destined to be with!

Would I marry Jasper, Emmett, or Carlise?

Or maybe I would marry one of the werewolves — Jacob, or…well that’s the only werewolf character I remember.

Or maybe I was destined to be with Charlie, Bella’s dad. The possibilities were endless, and I had to know.

I will admit I debated on whether or not I should actually spend $25 on this. There were hundreds of other things I could spend $25 on. Not to mention my friends would think I lost my mind (thank you, Danna, for not running away when I told you about this). I, myself, would question my own sanity (not that that was unusual).

But I wanted to know what my future husband looked like according to this online psychic. I wanted to stand at the altar one day and say in my vows, “I knew you were the one the moment I realized you look like a drawing a $25 psychic gave me.”

So I bought it and waited, not so patiently, for my prediction.

Are you ready to see the drawing? Do you want to know who I will marry?

Drum roll, please…..

Does he look familiar? I’m pretty sure that’s Jacob from Twilight.

Yep, that’s defiantly Jacob from Twilight.

Staying true to the Twilight theme, I will marry Jacob! Someone call Taylor Lautner and tell him his wife is waiting for him!

I will admit that I am a little disappointed since I was always Team Edward, but do me a favor and don’t tell Tayor that he might call off the wedding.

So this psychic is officially a Twilight fan. I don't think you need to be a psychic to guess that.

BUT WAIT!

There is more! As you may recall, not only did I get a drawing of my future husband, but I also got a description of his personality! Oh boy, did I get a good deal or what?

This is a small piece of what it says.

“Your future husband is a fun-loving party man. He isn’t irresponsible but has his own way of seeing things. He’s a flower-power man who doesn’t believe in settling down until he meets you.”

Hmm, not really my type, but who am I to argue with this online psychic. She clearly has a gift that I can’t even begin to understand.

“He has a saying, ‘Whoever sees the full side of the glass lives longer.’’

What the hell does that even mean? Does it mean anything, or did he just get drunk one night, and that sentence fell out of his mouth, and his friends won’t let him forget it?

I have thought about this saying and the only thing I can think is that it means that optimistic people live longer. Is that true? Are there scientific studies to back that up?

“He is truly an amazing soul, and you will meet him in 19 months.”

19 months! Why so long? Does she think I’ll forget about it and won’t ask for a refund when he doesn't show up in May of 2023? She’s right; I will forget about it. Damn, she’s a good psychic.

This was by far the best $25 I have ever spent! I laughed, my friends laughed, and my mom laughed so hard she peed her pants. But as much fun as this was, I think I’ll stay clear of online psychics from now on.