Marriage Doesn’t Equal Happiness
The other day friend told me that if she doesn't get married, then her life was meaningless and pointless. Meaningless and pointless. Think about that for a moment. She doesn't believe her life will have any value unless she has a man. At first, I laughed it off, but then I began to think about it and overwhelming sadness overcame me. She thinks her life is worthless unless she can find someone to love her. She thinks she is worthless unless someone loves her.
I can’t judge her for thinking that way, because at one point I thought that way too. I desperately wanted to be married because I thought that was my ticket to happiness. I thought that all my insecurities, loneliness, and depresson would just disappear after I found someone to say “I do” to. There wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do to get married, in fact, I reached a point that I didn’t even care if I loved the man I would call my husband.
I didn’t care if I loved him.
Let that sink in. I was so desperate to be a wife that I didn’t care if I even liked that guy I was going to marry.
Why was I so desperate to be married? I was conditioned to belive that being married and having kids was the only way to be happy. I was never taught to find the joy in the things outside of a relationship. I was never taught that it’s okay to want to be by yourself. I was never taught how to love myself and relied on someone else’s feelings toward me to determine my self-worth.
I let the people around me determine my worth and I thought that if I was married then perhaps the world could see that I was lovable and not broken.
But I am lovable. Even though I don’t have a ring on my finger or a boyfriend to go on dates with, I am still lovable. I am still worthy of love and being single doesn’t mean I’m broken. By learning to love myself, I don’t have to rely on someone else to remind me that I am worthy of being happy.
If you believe that being married is the only way to find happiness in this life, you have already set yourself up for failure. Despite what the movies and society say, you can’t be happy with someone unless you are first happy by yourself. It’s not fair to place your happiness on someone else. We are all human, and we will eventually fail, disappoint, hurt, or anger another person. Conflict is inevitable and unless you are content and confident with who you are the happiness that your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife will bring you will be fleeting.
I’m not saying that there isn’t joy in being married or in a relationship, there is, and loving someone is a beautiful thing, but it shouldn’t be your sole source of happiness. Being in a world where we are pushed and pressured into being in a relationship with someone has twisted the way that we view singleness. It’s not a curse to be single. I promise. Before you fall in love with someone, I implore you to fall in love with yourself.
